Well, here I go again. I told myself I would write a blog post daily. I tried to make a commitment to myself, to “myantidepressant,” and to my handful of readers (if there even are any and if there are – thank you <3). The truth about forming habits: its hard. Some days you’re on and some days you’re off. I felt that I was really working towards a positive change in my life and once again I feel like I failed. Another thing in my life I told myself I would do and then don’t. The difference between this time and the times in the past is that I came back. I have a goal in mind and I want to accomplish it. Maybe I set the initial goal too high. Looking back, as someone who cannot remember the last positive habit they have formed… hell I can barely remember to take my vitamins everyday… well maybe I don’t remember everyday but I am trying. Oh boy, you can really hear my ADHD kicking in but back to habits… Instead of committing to blogging everyday (I will get there, I promise that to you guys) I will commit to blogging at least 3x a week and once I’ve been consistent then I will increase my committment till I reach my goal. I think sometimes I set goals for myself way too high and then become discouraged when I “fail.” But then again what is great about progress and making changes in your life is that it is not always linear. Rarely, is it linear. Its just hard sometimes because I recognized that I need to make a change and that I don’t want to live life, just to waste it. I know no life lived is a waste but I mean waste the day, waste all of the potential opportunities I have to spend time with my friends, my family, accomplish my own personal goals… I could go on forever. While I might not have lived the most privileged life, it is a privilege to be alive, to receive an education, to even run with my own two feet… if you look at it that way we are all very privileged individuals but so many of us choose to waste time and waste the life we have received. It’s sad because I stress so much every single day. I constantly find myself rushing to be on time places and the reality of it is that it is hard to get out of beds most days. It is hard to stay motivated. I have a bucket list of things I want to accomplish and even if I chase after accomplishing that goal I am never giving it 100%. I cannot remember the last time I gave something 100%. Maybe I was able to submit that application right in under the wire and get an interview. Maybe I was able to submit the scholarship application on time and receive the scholarship. Maybe I was into work on time but was I fully prepared? Truthfully, the answer these days is always no. I feel like I’m winging life. I know that I am capable of so much but instead I waste my days in bed, watching netflix… currently amazon prime “The Lying Game,” and just procrastinating. I want to change this. I need to change this. So many times I have gotten lucky, gotten the job, gotten the award, gotten the praise but so many times I have also disappointed myself because I knew if I had “just a little more time” I could have gotten that A on the exam, I could have made my essay way better, I could have gotten an interview, gotten into that program… I knew I could have if I didn’t continue to waste time, to procrastinate, to actually dig and find that motivation and get myself to the library or study lounge to start early and submit nothing less than my best work. Honestly, I am procrastinating my work right now but before I go I do want you guys to know that we can make these changes we so yearn for but it will take time, motivation and small steps. Through this I know I can succeed and I know you can too.